So sometimes we write long stories with actual plot and emotions and things, and sometimes we get bored and start trolling the internet looking for exciting tumblr porn (spoiler: this happens a lot) and sometimes both of these things collide and we start writing long complicated crack-tastic stories via email about Brendon's tiny dick and Spencer having a kink for Brendon's tiny dick that somehow detours through humiliation kink and crossdressing and pink vibrators and watersports and ends up with Spencer on his knees covered in come and begging for it. AS YOU DO.
(Also, just so you don't think we are actually insane, the joke in the title comes from the fact that the word doc that this lived in for a long time was titled "bdenstinydick.doc", which caused more than one random fannish observer to read the title and then ask what a "destiny dick" was. Yeah, we crack ourselves up too. We know. /o\)
Anyway, a couple of people have said they would be interested in reading this, and as it's at least half actual fic we decided to post it. Also, we feel that as much as size queen kink is amazing and super hot (who doesn't like someone being stuffed full of dicks! No one. No one, that's who), it seems to be less common to think about all the ways that smaller-than-average dicks can be pretty sexy, too.
...LOOK, we freely admit that trying to make this picspam forced us to plumb the depths of internet porn, so we're going to get the pictures that made us laugh out of the way first.
Like this one.
Or this one.
or alternately, shit that TERRIFIED us, like this one. Dear lord.
sunsetmog thinks looks a little like nudist hippie alternate reality Brendon, and almostblue just finds this picture kind of hysterical. And approves of that dude's awesome mustache.
This one is just weirdly hypnotizing. He's so shiny.
Seriously, making this spam was like an epic journey through the magical world of penises.
In all of their many forms...
...and sizes. Nice feet, bro. This picture is totally weird but you do have a nice dick so we're going to let it slide.
Seriously though. Are we crazy? Because there's something about a cute little dick that we've been starting to think is weirdly hot.
Like maybe a little bit?
Everything's just so compact.
It's like a tiny little fountain!
Well, not that tiny. We'll be honest - we err on the larger side of small dicks. There are some really small dicks out there.
And lots of people who like them. (D'AWW HOW CUTE IS THIS ONE? COME ON)
I mean if anyone is keeping track we like ours in panties? But you knew that.
And now comes the time when we make you feel REALLY AWKWARD about your life choices, because we're going to stick some pictures of Brendon on the same page as a lot of cocks.
We're sorry about that in advance. We really are.
But this dude kind of brings it on himself.
Yeah yeah, Brendon. We know.
Anyway, I was actually complaining in my head about this part of it, because I have a lot of pictures of Brendon on my computer, and a lot pictures of Panic v2.0 and it's annoying to try and go through all of them.
And when I say "a lot" what I mean is, "over 5,000."
And then I realized I was complaining about staring at Brendon's dick for a couple of hours and got over it.
(Like true story, for a while my Brendon folder REFUSED TO LOAD. That's how big it was. It wouldn't preview.)
Anyway, the point is - Mr. Urie is very handsome, very charming, very talented, and...let's be honest, it's on the small side.
I mean don't get me wrong! It's there.
It was in fact extremely there during this entire tour, Jesus Brendon. No one needs to know if you're all ball. That looks painful.
It was a great suit! I appreciated your dedication to wearing it! But the pants were too tight.
And it takes a lot for me to say that but trust me, when I am looking at you and wincing because your penis looks painfully squashed, that's not sexy anymore.
(Sorry. I just love this picture, and I never have any excuse to use it.)
The point is, we're not here to make fun of Brendon about what he may or may not be packing. We're here to celebrate it.
Isn't that right, Brendon?
I thought so.
I mean, ignoring the creepiness factor of us making a picspam about your penis.
We're actually not even going to post any of of the v2.0 band photoshoots that make our point for us.
(Except this one, because it's still kind of funny)
(or this one)
We're just going to think pleasant thoughts about how everything is in proportion and you probably look great naked.
And maybe apologize in advance for how filthy this porn got.